There are two ways to be very open. The first one comes from faith: you believe that the people around you, especially those you know and meet, are good, and therefore you wholeheartedly open up to them. The second is actually very cynical. You trust no one, you see, and so you tell the truth on any topic and answer any question because it makes you invulnerable, as there are no secrets to discover, and whatever damage can be done is done. It’s a very strong defense mechanism.
Kant argued that it is immoral to lie but under some circumstances half-truths may be admitted. The famous example is the story of a man who seeks asylum in your house, but then his would-be assassin knocks on your door, and asks if you know where his target is. Do you lie to the assassin, do you come up with true statements that nonetheless convey the impression that you haven’t seen his target, or do you tell the full truth?
So with openness, if you go the second route. You decide that it’s best to just always answer honestly, but still, you’re human, and you have pain points that are private, and so you hope some questions are never asked. If they are asked, directly, you keep your word to yourself and answer honestly, and it feels like a relief. But if the pain point is invoked obliquely (like – why did you do X?) the temptation to answer with a half-truth becomes overwhelming.
It sounds obvious that the first way of being ‘open’ is the healthier, ‘truer’ one. The second one is often dangerous to you (because of the potential of telling these half-truths) and anyway it makes you very responsive, as you don’t control the timing of the important revelations about yourself, waiting, instead, to be asked. If you’re really honest with yourself, you might counteract some of the latter by going on proactive honesty rampages where you periodically spew some information about yourself without anyone ever asking. But I digress.
But I believe the second approach is a valid, though long, road to realizing what seems to me to be the ultimate truth of the thing: being open towards the people you care about (which may be everyone) is neither caused by being honest with them, nor prevented by being untruthful, strictly speaking. I do believe that the more you are open someone the less sense it’ll make to lie to them, but that’s all it is. Openness is about a much deeper trust, of which verbal communication is a very small part. Rather you have to say – “I trust you so deeply that I believe that no matter what I say / write / do to you now, we will ultimately understand each other, and in the end everything will be all right.”
Le Château d'If 